Have you ever felt at war with yourself? You know, totally avoiding yourself altogether and instead, seeking out distractions to quiet that nagging lost feeling? Or, do you wait for someone else to tell you what to do, how to behave, etc. because it’s easier than figuring out things for yourself; yet deep down, you feel it goes against your beliefs? If you said yes to any of these, and you were to justify it, you would say, “because it’s just easier” or, “I have too many other things going on to work on me right now”.
Deep down inside, you want to be healed but that comfortability of remaining “broken” is far easier than taking the hard road of spending time with YOU (since you are the only person you truly have to live with the rest of your life). It’s called learning to trust yourself and it’s one of the HARDEST things to do.
Why am I being so harsh to day…
All too often (almost everyday, including today), I see people walking around in a daze, rushing from place to place (oftentimes glued to their phones), just trying to get through their day. I hear about them going on dates and never being satisfied, oftentimes finding mundane excuses for why “so and so” isn’t good enough for them. I hear them constantly complain about their lives and how they’re too busy for “xyz”, while they are at their 3rd event of the evening, needing to be seen. I see them plowing over people to get what they want, not really caring how it affects others, oftentimes blaming/manipulating others when they speak up. It seems to be so bad, especially in major cities, that I have a hard time ignoring it.
People who are accustomed to taking the “easier” negative route, find themselves waking up in the morning, completely miserable. If they didn’t bring someone home and/or are inebriated, they’re going to bed unhappy as well, silently wishing they could just have a peaceful night in, without “being in a million places at once”. This, my readers, is you being a stranger to yourself, and it’s completely unhealthy.
I’ve been there myself – needing to be seen, blaming everyone else for everything that feels “unfair”, and generally feeling crappy all the time, as though the whole world will forget who I am if I don’t make “x” appearance. Thousands of dollars, several illnesses from being run down, and 15 lbs. later, I learned it doesn’t matter. I felt lost, out of control, and broke. The worst part: when I had to stop going out so I could recoup my losses (financially and physically), I had no idea what to do with myself. I cried a lot, freaked out a lot, and felt raging jealously that I missed that night’s big soiree and not one soul bothered to text, saying I was missed. I felt irrelevant and angry.
About four years ago, I had an awakening. If I felt ugly on the inside, certainly it radiated outward, which means others could see what I was feeling. I knew I was better than that, and that so much more was meant for me. There was no way I could live a full life under the conditions I gave myself. So… I purged… about 1,000 people I didn’t know on Facebook; old blog posts on local happenings that sparked certain feelings; clothes/accessories (which I consigned) that I could’t afford because I wanted to not be seen in the same thing twice (I made a few thousand from consigning); friendships that weren’t friendships at all (I distanced myself); crap food I was eating; alcohol (for a while), and about a hundred other things (exaggeration) that were not going to suit the life I wanted to live. Was it hard? Immensely. Was it worth it? Completely.
As it turns out, all of that “clutter” was a ridiculous amount of noise that led to a massive fear of being judged – something that I used to be highly sensitive to. I felt I needed to conform to a certain societal standard in order to have the “right” friends, when in actuality, everyone was doing the exact same thing. I literally handed over the power of my life to people who were handing over theirs in return. Imagine a bunch of lost people running around, drinks in their hands, having meaningless conversations, feeling just as run down as you!
Buckling down and focusing on things like my job, my company (at the time), my novel/blog writing, my travels, my diet/exercise routine, my meditation practices, and my close friendships, completely shifted me to the person I love being, as well as into a place of life I want to be in!
I’m not saying it’s all perfect but it’s damn near close for this point in my life.
SO… if you’re stuck in a rut, feel as though you need a life change, or you just need a way to incrementally move onto better things, start small. Think of one thing you’re afraid to do because it seems to painful to do it, or you’re afraid people will judge you for doing it, or you’re not sure how to do it, so it scares you. Google it – learn how to do it, see who else in this world has done it, what their outcomes were; and then make it a priority to do it. I promise you that if you do, it will become addicting and next thing you know, you’ll keep on conquering those things, and it will shape you into the human you want to hang out with for the rest of you life.
To close this out, here are some of my own personal shifts:
Fear: Never being able to afford a home What I Did About It: Got rid of the luxury car, saved a lot of money (not going out much, keeping expenses low) = I purchased a home!
Fear: Traveling to Asia because I was scared of being unable to read signs/speak with locals What I Did About It: I’m lucky to have a travel partner who 1/2 his family is from India – we went for 16 days, and it was amazing. Note: Almost everyone there speaks English, and most signs are in English as well. Now I want to go back
Fear: Taking more outdoorsy trips because I’m scared I’m not physically capable of handling it – you’re always supposed to go to the beach, right? What I Did About It: Booked an Icelandic vacation in the dead of winter and toured the Golden Circle. It was freezing but it was exhilarating – we’ve booked a trip to the midwest for week-long outdoor adventure this summer!
Fear: Never being good enough to write my novel What I Did About It: Found my groove and decided to plow through it. I’d rather do that and get rejected by a ton of publishing companies than wonder “what if” I actually wrote it?
Fear: Never being good enough for the “right” person What I Did About It: Started meditating to learn to trust my instincts. It worked – my other half is the best man I’ve ever dated, and it’s because I took the time to listen to myself