Think about one special relationship you have or had where you caught yourself saying, “it’s too good to be true”, and genuinely believing that this was going to end badly because you don’t deserve this person. Perhaps this was followed by fear, or cautiousness, or even doubt. Along the course of the relationship with this person, you either hit some bumps in the road, or the relationship took a nose dive and you thought to yourself, “I knew it… it is/was too good to be true!”
We are our own worst enemy when it comes to being loved and genuinely believing we deserve something. Those of us who are grounded enough in our understanding of ourselves (see Meditation Day 9 for why I say this), realize that we do deserve the best because we put our very best selves forward for others. We BRING something to the table that lets others understand that we are a gift and should be treated as such. Let me illustrate this with two personal examples, so that you see the difference.
Story A – The Pessimist
I used to be a terrible dater. I had an idea in my head of what I wanted in someone – someone that far exceeded who I was as a person. I had no confidence, no sense as to who I really was, oftentimes relying on the other person to define me. As such, I had a hard time trusting my significant others, causing horrible fights, crazy episodes, and eventually, resulting in bad break ups. (Granted, none of these men were right for me but you don’t know what you don’t know at the time.) Each and every time this happened, I’d say to myself, “I knew it… this was never going to last. I’m a failure at dating and I don’t deserve the best.” This would be followed by another new relationship, rinse and repeat.
The last relationship that was like this for me, produced a swift kick in the ass. He was everything I had dreamed of at the time (successful, romantic handsome, loving, would constantly bring me gifts, etc.) and each and every day, I practically idolized him, making my entire world about him, telling myself I can’t believe he likes someone like me. Well, it turns out that he wasn’t all roses but then again, neither was I – I had no idea who I was, what I wanted for myself, and it ended badly 8 months later with me spending the next four months, devastated because I KNEW he was never going to go for someone like me, and that my whole life was a joke.
It’s BECAUSE of this relationship that I slowly started to piece myself together, for the first time ever, taking a couple years off from dating, in order to truly understand who I was.
Story B – The Confident, Well-Deserving Person I Am
The next relationship I got into was someone far superior to the previous one. When I met him, I didn’t think to myself that there’s no way he could like someone like me. Instead, I found myself measuring HIM up to see if he at least matched what I bought to the table. While we unfortunately didn’t last (although we are still friends), over a year later, the universe brought me a gift I wasn’t looking for (as I wasn’t on the hunt for someone new – I learned to be completely satisfied being alone)! This man defies many beliefs I held about what I deserve, because he brings something to the table in spades that everyone should be searching for – unending love and patience.
In my well-deserved, grounded confidence, I stopped caring about having someone else in my life to define me. Instead, I decided that when the universe was ready to send me the RIGHT person, I would be 100% receptive, with no doubt as to why they are in my life. When my (now) boyfriend was introduced to me on my birthday last year, I didn’t even remember meeting him! In fact, it wasn’t until he reached out to me again a few weeks later that any sort of spark, started.
The poor guy went through almost two months of having to chase me down, confident that we were going to be together. I, having learned to listen to my gut, was intrigued but wanted to make absolute sure that getting into a relationship with him made sense. It was a slow process but I’ve never been happier.
As you can see, there’s a vast difference between these two stories because my way of thinking about life had changed immensely. I was once ridden with fear that nothing would ever go well for me and any life surprises would be horrible. Now, I wake up everyday like it’s Christmas morning, wondering what’s in store for me. It is a complete mental shift and nothing else.
While I say this all the time, it’s worth repeating… meditation became the key to my evolutionized thought process. It became the stillness I needed for 20 minutes a day to clear my head, keep my mind open, and allowed me to once again realize that the universe has a plan, and it’s usually a great one!
If you’re stuck in a rut on something, know that everything happens for a reason in life and it’s usually because there’s something greater you were meant for. That attitude will pay you back in spades, I promise!